Hannes Svensson

It didn't turn out as I had expected, but what does now days.

I hate it when it goes like this, no creativity at all and everything around me
just seems so far away. I try to make the assignments I get but
there is like a gray half-transparent mist excluding me.
I want to but once I start doing them it all goes black,
I can't think of anything to write. I'm just sitting there,
looking like a fool, staring at the empty paper that lies on the desk
in front of me.  Waiting for me to fill it with thoughts, covered in words and sentences.

I hate it! I'm hating it because I really need to do this, to get it done, get it over with.
The last year has more or less been like this, struggling with word after word just to finish
the simplest text. The things I have done have been rubbish but I have had to
hand them in anyway to get my grade.
I don't know why I haven't been able to finish anything lately not even reading through a whole book.
Books that always have been my interest is no longer fun, music that has been gilting my life doesn't shine anymore, its only boring.

I have this restless feeling that I want to do things but there is nothing that entices me, about them.

I've been waiting for the mist to clear, for the words to, as before, run down the arm in to the pen and leave marks on the white paper in front of me but nothing happens.

I'm 18 years old now, I'm young! This is supposed to be one of the best periods of my life;

"But youth is the Lord of Life. Youth has a kingdom waiting for it."

I will never more be young and undestroyed, never more blind for all the terrible things out there.
Never more 18.

Never more, Never more...

"He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions. His virtures are not real to him. His sins, if there are such things as sins, are borrowed. He becomes an echo of someone else's music, an actor of a part that has not been written for him.

There is no such thing as a good influence, because to influence a person is to give him one's own soul."